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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family, by Eleanor Payson
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Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wreaking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials in government, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.
- Sales Rank: #11288 in Books
- Published on: 2002-10-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Binding: Paperback
- 187 pages
Review
"For Some Time I have looked for a very readable book on living with narcissism that also had clarity about addiction and codependency. Eleanor Payson has written an easy to understand guide to navigate one's way out of the labyrinth that narcissism makes...Four stars for a readable, useful book therapists can give their patients." Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows --Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows
"You will recognize the narcissistic personality disorder so well described by Payson as an all too common affliction among those who wield great political and corporate power in contemporary society. This book is a useful guide to recognizing and confronting the reality, which is a first step toward nullifying the power and influence of the afflicted over our lives." David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World --David C. Korten, Ph.D. author of The Great Turning: From Empire to Earth Community and When Corporations Rule the World
About the Author
Eleanor Payson, LMSW, ACSW, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing individual, relationship and family therapy for thirty years. Graduating from the University of Michigan in 1983 with her Masters in Social Work, she has continued her education on issues ranging from chemical dependency and codependency, adult children of alcoholics, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, relationship therapy, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Since the release of her book, Eleanor has developed seminars and support group to assist individuals in their recovery from the painful consequences that occur when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits or who have the narcissistic personality disorder.
Most helpful customer reviews
141 of 149 people found the following review helpful.
What an eye opener!
By Stormy
I'm a 51 year old female who needed to read this book when I was 11 and then promptly be moved to another family! Both of my parents are Narcissists, but I didn't know what it was until I read this book. The book describes exactly how I was treated by both of my parents and why I never had a sense of self. I was never asked my thoughts, I was told how I was going to think and what I was going to do. Everything this book details is real. 15 years ago I severed ties with my father because he was the more physical abuser. I just recently I severed ties with my mother. Both of them are very abusive. I didn't realize what a lacky I was to my mother but always felt she didn't like me, or was jealous of me, or always but always disappointed her. She has tried to take over my life, my husband - almost telling me how to have sex with him or someone else will do it for me and my house by walking in rearranging my furniture, putting things on the wall and telling me that she's "helping me" and how everything would look so much better her way and has divided my 2 brothers and I to where we don't speak to one another anymore and she has blamed me for it. The control, mental abuse and meanness is behind closed doors and out in the open other people always wondered why I was so sensitive around my mother because she always was so delightful to be around. I moved away from my family when I was 24,and have back around my mother for 10 years. I'm absolutely drained of emotion. I understand now why I had depression and still have it and why I feel I need to please everyone and be a non entity. From reading this book, I am working on being my own person with my own actual thoughts and views and hold my head up high. The book does give you examples on how to get along with this type of person, only if you want to get along with them. For those who do, its a good guideline. For those who don't, read this book and beat your demons! What you thought was happening to you - it was and this validates those thoughts - the narcissist isn't ever going to validate you as a person. Break Free! This book has helped me tremendously to understand "it wasn't me" and I just might be worthy of someone loving me. 51 years to find that out.... what a waste of a life.
103 of 108 people found the following review helpful.
Life-changing
By P. Pate
This book changed my life. If you have a relationship with someone and they are like Jekyll and Hyde, you're confused, you are depressed--Buy this book. You will understand more after you read it. It has helped me to end 10 yrs. of pain, being told that it was all my fault when I knew I was emotionally sucker-punched on an almost daily basis-just didn't know why. This is the first time that I really believe it has nothing to do with me. He is sick. I have tried everything I knew to do to make things better-it never worked. Now I know it can't.
I also know it will never stop, so I got out. I'm glad I know now that it has a name. BPD -Also, I know now why he always slips around and tells his friends that I am doing things in reality that he is doing. i.e. jealousy, etc. It is called projection.This book clarifies all this in easy to read format.
116 of 123 people found the following review helpful.
MY NEW LIFELINE!
By Julie Horn
Wow. After quite a few years with therapists and plenty of self-help books, this book is probably the most comprehensive, most helpful, and most accurate in its description of the narcissistic personality and those of us who are drawn into their orbit. The initial relief comes in realizing that someone recognizes that the damage that parents with this disorder can do to their children is real, and that those of us who grew up in this kind of environment really aren't crazy, as they have tried to have us believe. The next breath of relief comes in Ms. Payson's recognition of the relationships that exist, and the difficulties therein, between narcissists and non-narcissists in various settings...not simply parent/child, but also in romantic relationships, friendships, and in the work environment. Of course, recognizing that these relationships exist, and that they can be extremely difficult, is the first step toward healing. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot that can be done to create healthy relationships out of these dysfunctional pairings, but Ms. Payson does provide some valid suggestions as to how those of us who suffer at the narcissists' whims can learn to sidestep their vortex, remain calm and disengaged, and gain the strength needed to feel healthy within. Anyone who has felt the damage done by such a person can gain incredible insight and wisdom from this book.
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